Diary of Carrie
by xTroubleNGlitter
Summary: Sequel to 'Eyes on Fire', A/U between s. 3 & 4. Carrie, a once proud northern student must face a cold reality: the world has changed, her family is never coming back, and now who she thought would be her salvation has brought her damnation. A new group with a cycle she's used to is one of many threats that are looming in wait to strike. M for language and gore.
1. Catalyst

**NOTE: If you have not read 'Eyes on Fire' before this, please do, or you won't understand what is going on.**

**A/N: **This is basically only a test I have going in my head right now. I am taking it through as a sequel to 'Eyes on Fire' and it will definitely be A/U cause well...I have my reasons. So there. Warning, I'm going to be using some characters a lot differently than what they are written as now so sorry if I am breaking the norm, I want to use the cast to their strong suites with what I'm putting in front of them.  
Hope y'all enjoy. I am going to be doing this a bit different than 'Eyes on Fire', read on my friends!

* * *

**1: Catalyst**

"_God bless us, everyone, we're a broken people living under loaded gun..."_

- Linkin Park

* * *

Fingers rubbed loosely over her lips, running the cracks and dips of her cupid's bow before she began to gnaw on a dwindled thumbnail. Standing at the gate Carrie had watched as Beth continued what she had been working on, killing walkers.  
For some strange reason, out of the blue, she had pounced on a drive to get more animated in helping the group besides caring for Judith and doing the keeping work. Beth had asked Maggie but she had continued to put it off, Daryl and Merle were too rough, and Rick and Carl had their own disputes. After all else failed, and her fear of Michonne still too great, Beth had gone to Carrie for assistance. It could have been the fact that the young lady, many seeing her as Merle's accomplice, was hardly any older than Beth and was hardened in battle. The scars on her face that she had gained from months before were badges of honor to her, proof of her dedication and loyalty to the older Dixon.

Beth kicked the steel fence with her boot, making the walker's hands drop down to her sides before the blonde brought her knife through the hole to the skull of the creature. Her wrist twitched as she grit her teeth, eyes wide and mouth snarling as she yanked the blade out. Looking back over her shoulder Beth searched for Carrie's approval. Her arms were crossed, brow raised as a smile pushed over her mouth. Hands dropping she clapped for the Greene sister.

"Really?" Beth piped.

Carrie patted her shoulder, pointing down at the walker on the ground. "Hell yeah. That was one hell of a kill. Remember what I told you." Spinning her to face her she brought Beth's hand up to her forehead and reached down to slap her knee to bring it up. "Easiest way to get a second from a walker is to hold them off here and here. You do that and you force them back." Beth lightly followed the directions and pushed her away as she stumbled, mocking a walker's stance. "If you do that and then charge in and make sure you watch the jaw and arms, you'll be fine. Or even if you gotta do that before you shoot them, that's your best bet."

Beth moved to point her hand as a gun at Carrie and 'pulled' the trigger, Carrie dropping down to the ground in a mess. Sitting up on her bottom she rested her elbows on her knees. The weather was getting cooler as summer drew to a close and the fall would be coming in. Hershel had worked on developing a garden with the Woodbury citizens that had moved in. It was a matter of weeks since Rick brought the elderly and children over when the rest of the town was brought in. Woodbury was abandoned, but it was also a back up in case they had to leave the prison. A few of the people from the town had decided not to join them and were most likely dead.

Carrie's mind searched through the entire war they had faced after she had woken up from being shot in the face. They were still nightmares.

After the rest of the group had moved in it seemed that the governor had stirred up the world around them.

It was the middle of the day. Carrie had been sitting outside with some of the younger women of Woodbury, showing them how to load guns for ammunition after Merle had taught her numerous times.

The women were working fairly well since the sun wasn't blasting at them anymore like it had in previous weeks. All was under control until out near the gate a man had crumpled to the ground in a swift motion and blood splattered his partner on watch. Rick and Daryl quickly called for the group to move all of it's civilians inside and with Carl, Merle, Maggie, Michonne, Glenn, Carol, Karen, and Carrie they had stormed out to take control of the situation. The governor made his presence known when they had seen his vehicle and he had launched an attack. It was a few more men than what Karen had said before, and it appeared his numbers had already grown. Now there were around ten and they were armed. When men joined the prison's backup they moved to eliminate the attackers and were faced with massive ammo amounts and it cost them four lives as three of the governor's men had been killed and two injured.

They sped off and left Rick to control the mess that had ensued. Merle had been on pinpoint about when the governor would return. He wouldn't be too quick, but he wouldn't take his time. He wanted the threat to loom and strike somewhere in between. After that, Rick had began to take in what Merle said more, thanks to Daryl.

There was also a third special factor.

Milton.

He had been so close to death, he could taste the sweet clouds hanging over him when he was pulled back down to reality. That reality was a prison bed with his hands cuffed up to the bed post and Hershel standing over him with Rick and Merle.

Numb, his whole body had been numb while his mind screeched in pain. He begged for Hershel to kill him, for Rick or even Merle. Someone to stop the pain. Before he had passed out from the blood he watched the governor stand over Andrea as she screamed in the chair he had set up for Michonne. When he came to he asked where she was, and was broken to find no answer.

Because of him, Andrea had died.  
Milton thought if he had let her pull the trigger as they watched him build his contraption, this could have been stopped.  
Maybe if he would have ran with her, he could have provided a long enough distraction, even death, to keep Andrea running.

If he would have had the courage and strength to stab Phillip quicker.

If he would have tried harder.  
She'd still be alive. The one person who had treated him on the same level as their own self confidence.

Now all he had was a distant memory of her, and at times it made him sick to remember what she looked like.

Hands ran bristly over the chained fence to find Carrie and Beth talking. He gave a weak smile at the sight of Carrie holding Beth in a submission that Merle had taught her. Something good had come of the sins that the men of Woodbury had carried.

They could evolve from it.

Coming back from it, it was really possible.

He approached the two young ladies now talking before they turned to face him. Carrie's smile warmed at the sight of her friend from Woodbury. He had always been genuine to her, unlike the evil man that had controlled him. Milton was human, Milton had morals and sympathy and remorse. He was alive.

"Hi ladies." He whispered, holding a notepad tightly to his chest under his jacket lappel. In some strange way, Milton still dressed sharp. Jeans, shirts, and even jackets, the man still had some sense of style. Merle made fun of him for it but Carrie wished that he would dress like the scientist. While that would be interesting to see, she knew it just wouldn't fit him. Merle was a sloppy dresser, he wore what he needed to, and she could still spend her time ogling him whenever she saw fit.  
That sick freak enjoyed it.

"I came out because Merle is looking for you Carrie..." He whispered, adjusting his glasses. "We both know how he gets."

"Of course!" Carrie groaned, stretching. "So, Milton, tell me the date."

"September twenty-fourth."

"Almost fall time. Come on Beth." Waving her over to walk with the two Carrie adjusted her hands to fit into her short pockets. "Can't believe it's almost fall. What plans are ahead for the winter? We can't be going into the season without a plan."

Milton glanced over, body raised in a search for dominance in keeping things under control with her questions. "It's all being handled. Surprisingly, we all work well together." He sighed, "Well, we try to."

Beth picked up her pace, watching the two speak with curiosity. "Try?"

The duo looked back, both smiling. "Well..." Carrie drawled, "Merle and Milton are pretty much the equivalent of the brothers in high school...one is a nerd." Extending her hand she nudged Milton's shoulder, "and the other being the high school jockey. One is pure brilliance, and one can be smart...when he wants to be."  
Milton shook his head at her choice of words, a smile hardening as a small blush warmed his face. "But when they secretly work together, world domination is possible. Keep that in mind Beth. Join the dark side." Beth's eyes widened as Carrie stared her down before her chest caved in laughter. "I'm just kidding. Merle and Milton are the most unlikely duo you'd ever find out there."

"Isn't that the truth..." Milton sighed, opening his book to jot a few notes down. "You know, I've been talking to Hershel...if we coordinate our research and his medical skills, and continue to educate Carol and the doctors and nurses we have here, we're gonna have one great medical staff on our hands."

Beth immediately jutted in. "With Carrie, Karen and Maggie teaching women how to load guns and basic fighting, we're gonna be able to do anything!"

"Prep is a lot different than doing." Carrie whispered, teeth grinding into her thumb nail. "When the time comes to take action, you gotta just do. It's not like practice where you can try again. It's one chance. You know that pretty damn well by now though." Nodding in agreement to the woman's statement Beth followed them up around the corner to the prison yard. Kids were in the prison, in school, a few guards sat at the fence and the remaining guard tower as other citizens worked around the area and talked amongst themselves.

"Speaking of trouble, where is Daryl?"

"Out hunting with the group." A voice cut in.

Turning around Carrie smiled as Rick approached them. He looked tired, exhausted, but it wasn't the same exhaustion that he had ran on months before with the threat of an army looming over a small group of ten. This was a leader's fatigue, one that came of balancing the world around him, but finding satisfaction as the results paid off in time. The results were seeing children going to school again, seeing the elderly find some sense of community.  
The group was as one, they thought as one and worked as one.

"So tell me Rick, what do we got ahead of us on our rich agenda?" Carrie smirked, catching him run a hand through his hair as it grew out. The beard that covered his face was now thicker. The man looked like a bum to her in the distance until she recognized who he was.

Grimes looked down at her from the hand covering his face and glanced over to Milton. "Whatever the hell he as written down." He shot a smirk to the man now watching with a shocked expression. "Now If y'all excuse me, I got some more things to attend to. Oh, Carrie, by the way-"

"I know." She groaned, getting a thumbs up from Rick as he strolled down the dirt way into the bustle of the yard. "Damn men get on my last nerve. I gotta go ahead, before he blows a damn gasket. Y'all take care." Carrie nodded at Milton and Beth before she began to walk away. "Remember Beth, tomorrow! Right here like every day!"

"I get it!" She bellowed back, watching Carrie move up the steps and through to the cell block that the original group had inhabited. "So...Milton." Beth smiled. "Wanna help me go warm Judith's bottle? I can use a hand."

Milton stepped back, eyes wide in shock. "Um, I'm not good with children."

"Come on." She smiled. "It'd be in your best interest to be around children a bit more. We don't have some secret lab here like in Woodbury, you're gonna have to be around kids!" She waved him along to follow her up the steps to the cell block. "Besides, you haven't really met Judith, Daryl calls her little ass kicker."

"A baby...he calls a newborn child a 'little ass kicker?'" Milton shook his head. "Miss Greene, I don't mean to sound rude, but I thought Merle was the worse of the two...but sometimes I question his brother."

Beth peered back in a genuine amusement. "Daryl is just Daryl, he's always been like that. I wonder if he still has his ear necklace." She stopped briefly. "Call me Beth."

Milton stopped, mind rattled at the words that had passed through the girl's mouth. Nothing else stuck to him for the rest of the day, it was one thing, one sick and twisted thing. These were his new neighbors and cohorts."Ear...necklace?"  
This was his new world.

* * *

Carrie moved up the steps and down the cell block row to find the room empty. Merle had probably stormed out looking for her and she knew when he'd get back that she'd face a tirade of typical Dixon temper. At the thought of that, almost like a reflex, Carol appeared at the opening of the cell, dressed in shorts and a black and white loose button down top she moved to sit down next to her on the cot. "Don't you look nice." Carrie smiled, enjoying the sight of Carol in her happy mood. The woman had been one of her biggest influences to stay at the prison after the governor had disappeared. Her strength was unmatched and she continued to try so hard to make the world around better every day.

Carol cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, sewed, loaded guns, and even took to the battles as of recently. The woman was brave and strong, something Carrie had lacked growing up that she wished she had so much earlier in her life. "Thank you sweetie. How ya doing?"

"Just finished up training with Beth, strolled with her and Milton and then heard that the old rex wanted to see me so..." Carrie blushed, wrapping her hands together.

"Old rex? Is that what you call him now?" Carol couldn't help but lean back against the wall, laughing at the choice of words. "You're lucky he likes you so much, he would of kicked your ass for saying that the first time!"

Carrie hunched over, resting her chin on her knee as she played with her laces on the worn sneakers that Merle had gotten for her in a run a few months before. "Yeah, anything that comes to my mind...I don't question it." Her mind trailed off, words lost as the two were interrupted by a shadow casting over the wall in the cell. "Speak of the devil..."

"Oh honey the devil ain't got nothin on me." Carol watched as Merle sauntered over to stand in front of the two. In a wife beater and cargo pants he flexed as he leaned down to glare at the women. "What's this y'all are laughing 'bout an ol' t-rex? Told ya not to be callin' me that."

Carol stood up and slid over to the open space. "I'm gonna leave you two to...your own thing." Carrie watched her slip away before she turned her attention back to the man standing over her.

Merle relaxed against the wall, the cool stone making him jump before he settled. Arms crossed she took a quick glance at his remaining hand, it only had three fingers left. He was battered and torn apart from the war, and she didn't know what had been going on in his head. Carrie didn't push it anymore, she hoped that one day he'd come around and start to talk to her. Even if it was little things, at least it would be something. In the mean time she kept to herself, he kept to himself, and they co-existed quite well.

"So, what did you want?"

Merle smirked, enjoying her questionable look as she remained hunched over, fiddling with her shoe laces. "Just wanted to make sure you and I was on the same page. How the lessons with lil bo beep's sister going?"

"She's actually doing great. If she keeps working, we're gonna have another strong woman on the ready for if something happens."

"Ya mean when something happens." Merle propped himself up. "When is the key word."

Carrie shrugged. "I know that..." Her fingers brushed over the scar that had remained on her face. A frown crossed his face as her eyes hazed over, lost in the memories of what had happened the day she ate the bullet across her face. "I...I know that..." The brush against her skin made her skin crawl, thinking about the fact that if she would have aimed better, the governor would be dead as she spoke. All she could hear was Merle and Daryl screaming over her and hearing the bustle of the prison around her before she stirred in the morning. After she had woken up she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror. The long gash she could feel cover her cheek extended up to just above her ear and took a small chunk of the upper cartilage out along with her consciousness.

"Sugar?" After falling through her mind for a while, reality hit her as Merle waved his hand in front of her face. "Ya still dwellin on it..." He whispered. In the back of his mind he continued to kick himself as he caught her lost in her own mind. This was his fault. Originally he wanted to go in there, take out the governor, and if he lived he'd just walk away and go out into the world on his own. In the pit of his stomach he could feel his brother wasn't there like before. Daryl had found a new family, he had moved on, and he was alone.  
But then there was Carrie. This little thing that sat in front of him, that sat with her scars for him and her loyalties set in stone, had proven herself for him time and time again.  
He still couldn't bring himself to face moving forward with anything, with whether Daryl or Carrie, he was frozen.

This was his burden, and he was paying the price for what he had done and his choices every time he looked at the marks that covered her face and every time his brother caught his glance. "I'm gonna go on patrol."

Carrie sat up and moved to follow him, only to smack into him as he stopped. "Sorry." She choked out. Her hand covered her mouth as she stood with tears stinging her eyes. "Son of a bitch."

"Girlie..."

"I was fine just a bit ago, I was havin' so much fun with Beth..." She croaked. "Now I'm a wreck and I just don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do." She wasn't going to reach out for him, that had stopped a while before. That killed her.

That morning after she woke up, when she asked him to kiss her, he wouldn't do it. He got up to leave and was gone for the day. After that he wouldn't kiss her, touch her, he had separated himself from her. The two could still talk, that was from her own wall rebuilding, just as his had immediately gone back up. There was nothing left that could break them down, and they were left in situations like this. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and cry her eyes out for all she had. Something to get her anger and her hurt out.

When he wouldn't speak she shoved past him and moved down the cell block to go to the tombs. If there were any walkers down there, they'd be tasting metal in a matter of minutes.

Knife in her pocket she passed a few people who didn't speak to her and the tombs had become her home for the afternoon.

Walker after walker.  
Stab after stab.

The hate and the hurt she felt had simmered after a few hours when she made it outside to the vehicles that sat in the sun.

Out of all the people she had found the one she was the most shocked to see.

Carl.

He stood against a chain fence, holding his Beretta 92FS, it's silencer lined up over a walker's forehead as he pulled the trigger. Without the sound of the shot, it was almost like a completely different attack. It felt terrifying to Carrie.

Carl turned back to see her standing there, blood splattered over her clothes as she watched on in horror. "What is it?"

"N-nothing..." Carrie whispered. She didn't want to go back in, she couldn't leave Carl out here alone.

Something about him intrigued her, and she wanted to survey the boy a little bit more. Seeing the open bed of a truck she glanced over. "Can I...sit?"

Carl nodded, running a hand quickly through his hair he picked up the sheriff's hat and pushed it back on his head. Walking over to Carrie he stood in front of her.

They didn't talk for a while, but when they did, the floodgates busted open. Carl didn't cry, but he told her about what had happened. She hadn't prodded anyone about their stories from before this all happened besides Merle, and that was out of playful fun. He told her about Shane, about his mother, about what they had done, Sophia, Dale, everything that had happened, he explained to her in full detail.

Carrie in return spoke to him about what she had went through, including Woodbury.

When all was said and done, it was a mutual respect that had been reached. They returned through the tombs in time for dinner and went their separate ways, Carl to the group in his own isolation and Carrie to her own little world.

Maybe they weren't so different after all.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, there we go! The sequel, sort of like an epilogue to 'Eyes on Fire!' Now that I've written this I'm not sure if I'm gonna continue writing it or not. I had original ideas but I am not too sure if I could get a grasp on it.  
Please don't kill me for ending Carrie/Merle...I feel like it needed to happen, at least for a while. I feel like after what happened Merle would push her away and just keep her away especially since Daryl and him had distanced. He's only staying there for the fringes of what he has left with his brother. Carrie is just someone anymore he can tolerate.  
Leave your feedback and ideas in the review and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Thank you!

xo - Lindsey


	2. Building

**A/N: **Thanks to blueberrybunny3630 and Brazen Hussy for reviewing! :)

* * *

**Chapter 2: Building**

_'I'm Out of Touch, I'm Out of Luck..._

_I'll pick you up when you're getting down'_

_-Ed Sheeran_

* * *

Arms raised Maggie helped slide the riot gear over Carrie's frame. "You and I, we got some pretty damn close sizes." A smile broke over her face, strapping the front down tightly. "Trust me, when it's all on, you're not gon' wanna take it off!" The knee pads had slid on easily and after adjusted her gun holster Carrie watched Maggie fix the top of the outfit before she pulled on the arm guards.

"So happy we found these...Glenn's been obsessed with them since we first put 'em on!"

Tying her hair up in a bun Carrie grabbed the helmet. "Not surprising really..." She sighed, carrying it with her as she picked up the gun. Evening guard duty. Her and Maggie had taken it up for a weeks now and Carrie had to admit, it wasn't as bad as she thought it would have been months ago. Maggie was kind and sweet, and really patient when you weren't breathing down her neck. She was also stubborn, and when she wanted to do something, she was going to do it.

Riot gear on both women had emerged from the cell to move out along the walkway to go downstairs for dinner before they'd go outside to sit at the tower.

Woodbury had it's own cell block, managed my Milton and a few of the others like Tyreese and Sasha. Still, in the same cell block they had originally, the 'prison' group as the Woodbury residents still called them, took the heart of the prison as they always had.

"Hey guys!" Beth piped, admiring the two ladies in their riot gear. "I have to say..." She whispered, setting down the large pot of pasta after she had drained it out with a strainer they had gotten from Woodbury, "You guys look pretty bad in that get up!"

"My baby in riot gear..." Hershel sighed, "Honey I still am never going to get used to that."

Maggie snickered, catching a sharp glance from Carrie. "Sorry daddy." They strolled over to stand over the small group, "I love this whole outfit. We look pretty sharp. Don't we Carrie?" The woman nodded before she turned to sit down away from the group's eating space at the table she had always resided at. It was away from everyone, and no one bothered her anymore. The isolation had grown a bit in weeks but otherwise, they were courteous to her. Time was waning with her remaining at the prison. Carrie froze at the thought that she'd be leaving soon, but at least she was being honest with herself.

She had no reason to be there anymore. If she could leave and run as far as she could, maybe even up north like she had originally planned, she'd be able to honker down in familiar territory.

Her silence was broken as Beth had made her way over and sat down with two bowls. Her gentle hand pushed a bowl toward her and returned to her lap. Brushing her own hand away from her face in a daze, Carrie was startled by the sudden company. The younger Greene sister had made a bold move to sit with her, and it surprised a few people over at the 'popular table' as Carrie self-titled it. It was like she was back in high school.  
All the cool kids sat at the cool kids table...

then you had your jocks, nerds, the coolest people you would ever meet...

A hard laugh escaped Carrie's throat as she thought back to one of her favorite movies growing up. A TV and DVD player sounded wonderful just so she could quote that again and again in her head.  
"What's up?" Beth asked, stirring her pasta loosely.

"Sorry hon, just a funny idea in my head..."

This intrigued her, something had gone on in Carrie that finally made her laugh without violence or embarrassment, she was dying to know what it was. "Well?"

Carrie shrugged, watching her intently as she brought a fork full of pasta to her mouth. "It was a movie I watched when I was younger..." Smacking on her food she nodded. "You probably weren't allowed to watch it..." As she leaned closer she watched Beth's eyes light up. "Not appropriate for church girls."

Struggling with the anticipation Beth pouted, "What was it then?"

"Mean Girls."

"I loved that movie!" Beth screamed, a large smile hitting her face as Carrie shook her head, falling back at the sudden burst of enthusiasm. "Oh my! I-I'm so sorry!" Red encompassed her face as she brought her hands up to cover her mouth. "I didn't mean to..."

Carrie rested a gloved hand over her frail shoulder. "No..." She breathed between bursts of laughter, "You're fine. You are completely fine...I just didn't think...aw man I like you Beth...I really do. Man."

"What is it?"

She stopped for a second, eyes narrowing at a warm thought. "I just thought about how nice it would have been to have a friend like you before this all went down. Would of made high school a hell of a lot easier on me...besides the church thing."

Beth continued to watch the woman, touched by her words. "We would have been friends, I know it." Her hands covered Carrie's as she nodded in her choice. "I know we'd been friends! We are now anyways!"  
Friends? Carrie had a friend...

The words overwhelmed her as she looked away, chuckling as her shoulders began to shake. "What? Did I do something wrong?" Beth covered her mouth again, eyes widened in horror that she had done something wrong.

Carrie glanced back over, eyes glassy as her lips drew a sincere smile. "No! I've just wanted a friend like you for such a long time-WOAH!" Beth moved over to wrap her arms around her, bonding their friendship in a tight hug. She couldn't hug her back, but she appreciated the gesture.

* * *

The spent the rest of their dinner talking about movies that she wasn't allowed to watch, and what all she wasn't able to do growing up. Carrie had learned about her morals and how strict Hershel really was. As she got older, her parents cared less and less about what she had done. Carrie had planned to go to college, but had begun thinking about just going to community college, getting something in dental hygienist work and returning home to just spend her days shooting and hunting. The dream was still in the back of her mind, spending time in the summer with her brother fixing cars and coming home from work to go take her four wheeler out for a spin.

Something about Beth made Carrie feel at home for once, that there was something decent in the world. The girl had been in a situation that could have destroyed her, corrupted her every way possible. At that thought she glanced over to see Carl sitting by himself at the table next to them, sneaking glances over at them occasionally. After a few minutes she had tilted her head, nudging him to come over. When he shook his head she turned and waved her arm, her stubborn efforts finally prevailing as he picked up his bowl and joined them.

He was quiet for most of the time, but she could see his posture easing as they talked more and more. Beth asked her questions about her school years, what classes she took, how well she did, they were all small things to humor the awkward silence Carl had brought over with him.

"Let's see..." Carrie sighed. "Least favorite class...sophmore year...I started talking calculus, my first semester was pre calc, then they bumped me to calc the second semester and I opted to do summer work cause I for sure as hell wasn't going to take the damn class again!"

Carl watched her dramatize the class and was intrigued, "Was it..." The two girls were shocked to hear him speaking, "Was it as bad as they say it was? I mean...I wasn't even in middle school yet but I saw high school kids on the buses, they stayed after their classes I guess...they'd always cuss about it. They had really thick books to."

Beth stole a short glare at Carrie and the two nodded unison. "You took it to?" Carl stammered, shocked that the young girl had taken the class as well. A slight blush covered his face.

Carrie couldn't help but smile. After all that had happened, after the fact that he couldn't even acknowledge Rick as his father half the time, after facing more than he should have in the cold world, he could still blush like a little boy with a crush. Beth had told her how Carl had tried to room with her when they first got to the prison. He also tried to impress her on the barn when he would take shooting lessons with her and Shane. Beth wasn't sure that he even had feelings like that anymore, but that short moment reminded them both that deep down in him, a boy's heart still beat strongly.

"Yeah..." Beth leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. "It was the most difficult class I've ever taken. I didn't even have a pre-class. They just put us right in there. I was ahead of my grade so I was with seniors and oh my..." The palm of her hand pressed to her forehead as she shook her head. "Thinking about the formulas and all the numbers makes my head hurt."

Carrie leaned back, amused at Carl's shock. "I took pre-algebra in seventh, barely passed algebra in eigth, ninth I took geometry cause I did so bad in algebra, and then in tenth I took algebra two. In junior I did the pre-calc and the class, and before this whole...thing started." Waving her hands she shrugged. "I was starting trig so I am grateful for ONE thing in this world, I no longer have to do math!"

"My mom...my mom and Carol made me and Sophia do school work after this all started." Carl whispered, eyes narrowing at the thought of his mother. "Now that I look back on it, it wasn't so bad having school with them."

"If you want I can school ya kid." Carrie winked at him, making Beth laugh as he glared at her. "Easy tiger, I was kidding."

Carl shook his head, loose hair flying. "Just cause I miss my mom...no way in hell I'd go back to school even if she walked through that door right now."

He finally smiled. Carl had finally smiled, and it hadn't gone unnoticed by the group as well. "Woah..." Glenn whispered, pointing his fork to the table in front of him. Carl was smiling and pointing at the door as Beth shook her head and Carrie laughed. "Rick look." He nudged his friend to glance over as the group followed, trying to hide their obvious glances.

Rick's heart stopped for a second, body in shock at the sight. His son was smiling. Their latest fight had left Carl to go storm off a few days before and they had been barely talking besides working together to clear out walkers. When he turned back to the group he saw the same shocked expression on Carol's face. Hershel was just smiling as Maggie turned to smile at Glenn. They hadn't seen Carl that pleasant about anything ages.  
"Thank God Beth hasn't fallen into the dark, and thank God Carrie is still here. Thank God all you young ladies are still here." Hershel wrapped an arm around his eldest daughter, "Some light in this world to go on for." The old man whispered a silent thankful prayer as the youth of the group continued talking, Carl yelling about school before he crossed his arms and gave a smug smirk. "Thank God."

Michonne watched the interaction from a table away. She didn't mind eating with the group when she did, but she usually preferred to sit away. It gave her some peace and quiet when she wasn't sleeping. The sight was a marvel to watch, like animals interacting of different parts of the food chain. Like a butterfly, a fox, and a tiger. She wasn't sure who was the fox or the tiger, but it made the most sense to her. It was a perfect description to her as she watched their discussion unfold. Michonne had made out most of what they had been saying. School was the main discussion, talking about classes, their favorites and which teachers they couldn't stand. A soon to be graduate, a junior and a boy that was leaving elementary school, now all three were more intelligent than most kids would be trying to go to college. They were all survivors in their own aspects, and that was excelling in more ways than what the average youth could accomplish. It wasn't playing a violin or writing some majestic essay, it was simple and something people still couldn't comprehend as others living died off based on their own idiotic choices.

Something about their little conversation had left her smiling though, that in this hell, after all that had occurred, the kids could still at times just be kids.

"I will find a calculus book, I will bring it here, and I will teach your stubborn ass!" Carrie sang, finishing her bowl of pasta. "We are going to start teaching you it so when everything is normal and you go back to school with kids you can sit in class, fall asleep, and when Beth or someone gets ready to crack your ass cause you weren't paying attention you can be like..." Leaning back she pulled her hands behind her head and crossed her legs, balancing herself without a support behind her she spoke sarcastically. "Yeah...I know this already...I learned it while I was killing walkers. I was that damn good. Don't bother me." She dropped her arms and dropped her head to the table and pretended to snore.

Carl shook his head, adjusting his hat to sit properly again as he finished his food. "You're crazy." He mumbled, still smiling at her choice of words. "I was wondering...can I come outside with you and Maggie while you're on patrol? Maybe kill some of the biters at the fences?"

Carrie stood up, picking her bowl up she waved for Carl to follow her. "Beth I'll talk to you tonight or tomorrow alright?" Beth nodded and went on to finish the rest of her food.  
They approached the table as Carl stopped behind Carrie, not even wanting to be around his father. "Hey, is it alright with you Maggie that Carl comes out and kills some biters at the fences? I wouldn't mind it, probably head down there to give him a hand later on to..."

Maggie shrugged and looked at Rick. Their leader glanced over at her, to Carrie, and to Carl. He knew Carl would go regardless of what he said, and if he went without permission, it could stir up more hassle than what arguing was worth.  
"Sure, don't get in their way." He mumbled, returning to his food without a second glance. Everyone at the table could feel the tension as Carl backed away with Carrie and the two began to walk.

"I'm gonna go sit out there with Carl, kill some at the fence. See you at there!" Maggie nodded with a smile as Carrie and Carl walked out.

Carrie clutched her helmet, glancing it over. "Helmet or no helmet?"

"No helmet. You probably can't see a damn thing with that on..." He turned to see Carrie stop as she put the helmet on, hands stretched out. He couldn't help but smile as she stumbled for a second before she snatched it off her head. The brunette tossed the helmet to him and he pulled his hat off to try it on. It was really dark, and big on him. But most of all, your vision was somewhat limited. "You'd think it'd be clearer through the visor...it IS riot gear after all."

Carl handed the helmet back to her as she slowed down her pace to walk with him. Their walk was quiet as they approached the outside area. The sun was beginning to go down earlier thanks to the seasons changing and the sky was lite in a red and pink tone. Clouds hung over the area in scattered ways stretching out into the forest. It was a pretty sight.

The two approached the guard tower as Carrie glanced up and shrugged. "Alright, let's kill some walkers while we wait for Maggie."

"Aren't you gonna go tell Daryl and Merle-"

"No. I'm not dealing with them." She whispered, taking her knife out she jogged down to the gate and turned to the outer points and began walking, knife clanking against the metal in a repeating fashion. Carl followed suite, holding his knife he stood outside of her way in case others traveled over.

Most of the time they had spent killing the walkers was in quiet. Carl's mind had settled into his usual cold state and he worked to take down as many as he could with Carrie. When they had finished a short round Carrie turned to find Maggie still not outside and the Dixons standing up on the guard tower, watching them as they killed the walkers. Daryl had been standing with his gun ready in case walkers got the best of them and Merle leaned against the railing, a shit eating grin plastered on him like usual.  
"Alright I'm gonna go tell them their shift is over, besides, I don't like an audience. Hold my helmet."

Helmet flying in the air Carl caught it with a loud groan. It was actually really heavy. Carrie smirked at his audible noise before she opened the door to the tower and sauntered up. The brothers were talking about something she didn't care to uncover when she opened the door to the top and walked in. There was Daryl and Merle, dinner bowls empty on the floor, a few guns and some ammunition. The two turned to see Carrie standing with her gun gripped tightly in her hand.

"Well look at you peach, ya gonna kick my ass?" Merle taunted, "Ya was killin them with lil governor down th-"

"Don't talk about Carl like that." She hissed, cutting in before Daryl got the chance to. "You're round is up, get the hell out."

Daryl blinked a few times before he glanced over at Merle who leaned back, his smirk turning into a scowl. His baby brother could pick up on all of Merle, and this had been something he had never seen before. Merle was struggling, over a woman. The only woman he had ever struggled over before this was his mother, and the bitches that complained and threatened him when he gave him the clap...but that was another tale for a drunk and rainy afternoon.  
Grabbing his gun he sauntered over to her, standing side by side he snarled down at her. "Ya best watch what the hell you say to me lil' girl."

"Pick your bowl up and mosey your ass out." She glanced over to Daryl and gave a small smile. "If Maggie's in there can ya tell her to hurry up and get out here or I'm gonna replace her ass with Carl?"

Merle's brow furrowed. "Oh, you got a thing for lil boys now? That it sweetheart? Ya bounce back and fly off to the other side of the yard?"

"MERLE!" Daryl yelled, eyes wide at their interaction. "Shut the hell up man let's go!"

As they moved to the door Carrie sat down and growled. The man could get under her skin in a matter of seconds anymore. "Least Carl's a better man."

Sitting her gun down she moved to sit outside and watch the young Grimes boy. She wished that he could go back, that Beth could go back, that even Judith could have been born in a different time, they could all go back to a time without the weight of the world on their shoulders.

A few minutes later Maggie had climbed up and raced over to the open space on the walk way outside the window of the tower. "What the hell happened with you and Merle?" Maggie whispered, a genuine look of concern crossing her face. "They came in and he was real quiet but when he got to his cell he started yellin' and we heard your name and I didn't know if you were alright..."

"I'm fine." Carrie whispered. "I told his ass to get, and then he asked if I liked Carl and I just shut my mouth and let him and Daryl go. The asshole is gonna be a thorn in my side for a while..."

Maggie shook her head, frustrated at the man. She had hated him after they made it out of the Governor's brutal attacks on her and Glenn, and she held Merle responsible. He had captured them, he beat Glenn, he let the Governor assault her. Because of him she could still feel that man's hands on her in the back of her mind; his hands brushing her hair back and slamming her to the table, caressing her...they were hands she didn't want anywhere in her life.

But when he went and tried to kill the governor, when he almost sacrificed himself for the safety of his brother and basically the group, she couldn't hate him anymore. It was like Michonne had told him while he was recovering and she listened in.  
_"If you had no remorse for anything that happened to these people, if you really didn't care, you would have knocked DARYL out and taken him with you. You knew what you were doing..."_

Of course she still couldn't say she liked him, she probably never would, but there was a mutual understanding. Because she no longer had a burning hatred for him, Glenn had eased on his own resolve against the man. It was no longer about hating people and getting the group limited to just their 'friends.' It was about banning together, all of them, and fighting to survive and maintain what they had. It would have cost them too much time and energy to hate anymore, to feel such horrible feelings for one of their own. It still confused Maggie to call him that...

_one of their own._

The watch went quietly. Carl returned inside just as it got dark and they had no issues. When they returned inside everyone was asleep and the two ladies went to their own cells. Carrie had a heavy task ahead of her. Getting the riot outfit off. The other men from Woodbury who had midnight shift had already went outside and Maggie was cuddling with Glenn.  
Lighting her lantern she moved to dim it and began to struggle with the uniform as she sat down. Unbuckling the knee braces she bit her lip as they fell with a powerful thud. What she wore was quite a few extra pounds that she wasn't used to carrying anymore. She followed with the arm guards and began to work on the chest protector. Glenn had kept the full body suit for himself and made sure that Maggie had an easier outfit, and in that Maggie had gotten her one similar.

Annoyance exasperated for the day she finally got the armor off and threw it on the bunk over her and moved to slip out of her clothes and into her pajamas. A large black button down and a pair of small red athletic shorts.  
Carrie stared into the lamp, the dim light warming her as her gaze prolonged her tired nature. Flipping over on to her stomach she frowned at the realization of what the shirt really was  
Lantern off she turned to her side and took a deep breath to finally fall asleep.

It was just another scar.

* * *

**A/N: **There we go, another chapter down! I REALLY like this one. I love Carl to death and I feel like Beth has so much untapped potential. They, along with Milton and Merle are going to be some of the main characters. I'm not focusing on Daryl, Carol, Rick or Glenn. Karen, Michonne and Maggie will be supporting. I know I've upset a few people that I split Merle and Carrie, again I'm sorry and I think I'll piss y'all off a little bit more but hey, I want to do a few things with this.

I didn't want to soften Carl, but I wanted to remind the viewers that he's still human. Like Rick, like even the Governor, he can still have his moments and smile. For Carl that's a lot easier because he's younger. I also thought it'd be cute to do a little fluff with Beth/Carrie cause I like them interacting and talking about school and calc.

Leave a review, fave and follow kittens! xo


	3. Painless

**A/N: **Thanks to Brazen Hussy, blueberrybunny3630 and SupedupJas for reviewing! I appreciate it! I'm sorry this is a teeny tiny bit shorter, I just had a little bit of trouble with this because I'm not sure if I want to continue from this or not. I feel like this wraps some stuff up.

I agree with Brazen Hussy that WAY to many of the characters that SHOULD be around are now gone. They had little to no development and had some real potential. Shane, Merle, Milton, Axel and Sophia immediately come to mind to me. Of course in this I bring back Merle and Milton cause they REALLY should still be around but I wish Shane was back too...so anyways enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Painless**

_'__Somebody's hurting. Holding it all in...__  
__Somebody won't let go of his heart but the truth is,__  
__It's painless...__'_

_Skye_

* * *

The dirt road wined around the curve to pull through to the roadway. On this was a tan jeep, one from Woodbury, filled with passengers. It was almost like the old days to Milton. Sitting in the back he wasn't surrounded by the governor, Martinez, and the men doing their plotting. He sat in the back squeezed between Tyreese and Carrie. They had gone on a run and to do some testing of a theory of his. Woodbury still had all of his notes before they returned a few weeks after he woke up to go get them. The large folder now sat on his lap, open, with notes and a large spiral notebook containing written scribbles and information.

Milton could remember specifically where everyone sat, the governor in the passenger's seat, barking orders at the driver with his backseat driving, Martinez and Shupert in the back with Milton discussing whatever the hell was on their minds. He usually kept to himself, and he wasn't used to all the intrigue being shown to his work.  
At the prison, he felt wanted, and he didn't doubt it, unlike Woodbury. Phillip had made him question his worth numerous times, he was the shadow hanging on the wall most of the time, and even when he spoke, he felt small compared to the strong headed men that would yell over him.

One thing hadn't changed though. Merle was driving. Out of all the people in the car, the one handed man was driving.

Milton could catch him stealing short glances back to the crowded backseat as they all chattered. Tyreese would ask him numerous questions and then pass the notes to Sasha to check out. Honestly, they had been intrigued by his work and his efforts in Woodbury. Milton appeared to be a nice, smart, gentle man, and they were right.

His attention though, was set on Carrie. He had pushed the folder to sit on both of their laps for equal balance and he had begun to show her notes to everything he had, and he surprised her with a small red folder in particular.  
"This is...this is me!" She scoffed. "I remember seeing this when we ate breakfast!"

Milton quickly nodded. "I apologize if some things are...you know, things you don't like me recording but the governor asked me to keep a special one you. He kept a special eye on Merle as well when he arrived, and Andrea. All the new comers that seemed like a viable threat. I didn't have the time to even make a folder for Michonne."

Carrie nodded, opening the folder. "Why was my folder red? I saw you had vanilla folders, blue ones, green ones..."

"Red was deemed as hostile. Martinez had one, you had one, Andrea had one, Merle of course had one-"

"What's that supposed to mean?" The older Dixon growled.

Carrie rolled her eyes at his tone, returning her attention to Milton with a smile. He began to speak again. "You were deemed as hostile because of your weapon upon arrival, your attitude, and...your similarities to Merle."

"Similarities?"

"Your hostility, your...language, body posture, fighting abilities. I-I don't mean to offend-" Milton quickly zipped his mouth as the two of discussion quickly looked to meet each other's gaze in the rear view mirror. Tyreese and Sasha surveyed the tension in the vehicle, almost enjoying the spectacle.

Carrie sat up and leaned her head against the rest of the seat. "We ain't nothing alike Milton." She winked at him before returning to the information. "These are my medical records from when I got evaluated every season...the blueprints for my old baby!" She sighed, running her fingers over the sketches. "Oh I miss it...but at least my hand doesn't smell that bad anymore, the glove on it always made me sweat more. Check this out! Milton you wrote notes about me?" Milton's eyes widened, realizing that he hadn't removed what he thought he had from all the folders. The notes he had of Andrea he had tucked away and kept to himself. He didn't realize that he hadn't removed Carrie's.

Her eyes scanned the notes, many of them touching her heart as the dates progressed. At first they were very simple and to the point. When the dates moved past three and four months they had gotten a lot more in depth.

She caught his look of horror and moved her hand to his shoulder. "You're so sweet." Leaning over she planted a kiss on his cheek. "You make me out to a better person than I really am..." The whisper escaped her throat as she approached the last notes. It was almost like he had painted a portrait of her. In this image she was beautiful and sweet, she was kind and was nothing of what she saw anymore.  
Fingers closed the thick folder and she handed it back to him. Waving her hand she pointed to the notes ahead in his thick book. "Show me more! I wanna see what else you've accomplished!"

He quickly nodded and began to show her a lot more of his observations of the walkers that still roamed the land. Tyreese and Sasha leaned into the conversation, invested in his work more than even Phillip had shown.

Merle adjusted the seat belt from his chest, feeling as if it was starting to suffocate him. Rage flew in his mind, realizing that somewhere between leaving Woodbury and recovering from the Governor's attack, he had gone soft. The anger flickered in him when he saw Carrie and Milton so close. The little shit, he had poked fun at him in Woodbury whenever he felt like it, he knew in a second he could snap the nerd. But now all of a sudden he was the savior of the group?  
The prison was getting worse and worse in his eyes as he woke up every day. Around him was a sea of people that were all completely wrong about their own security. To him, he was the only person with some head on his shoulders.

Merle Dixon was the bright bulb of the bunch, just like he had been in Woodbury.  
He had always been the bright one, no one just seemed to want to listen. Even Daryl had drifted from him, and after what had happened with him facing near death he would have sworn up and down it'd have changed things in an instant. Daryl said he 'wanted his brother back.' Well maybe if the boy had opened his eyes and took his head out of Officer Friendly's ass he'd realize that when the dust cleared, big brother Merle would be the only one left standing for him. The boy was sucked into an illusion, and he didn't know if Daryl would ever come out of it or not. If he wanted to die in happyville with a leader that had the bright shine of a dim bulb and caring for a bunch of people that didn't give a shit about him, he wasn't going to stick around much longer for it.

At that thought Merle could feel his stomach turn and tie in knots. Grimacing at the ideas forming in his head he took a deep breath as they approached the prison.

Milton closed his books and put them into his backpack, still smiling as Carrie went on praising his persistent work with understanding the biters better. She hadn't known about Michonne's pet walkers before their discussion and he couldn't help but laugh at her shocked expression. Her youth had made her enthusiastic about all the discoveries he had come across and nothing could beat the pride in him swelling.

Rolling up the gravel they all fell out from the back of the vehicle as Merle and Michonne climbed out the front. They met Rick and Daryl with Carl, Beth, and Carol following close behind. Their run had gone decently well, finding a few more things and most importantly, some harvesting tools. Beth had ran in to get her father and Merle couldn't help but smile when Hershel's tone piped up at what they had brought back.

"Oh yes, yes we'll be doing some good work here. Thank you."

"It was all Merle, he cleared out the walkers in that area at the tool shop and got what you needed." Merle's eyes, like the other's, widened at Carrie's admission. "I think it would have taken a hell of a lot longer if it wasn't for him. But otherwise we got some canned shit so I'm thinking that we'll play a canned wheel game soon."

"Canned wheel game?" Rick asked, hands on his hips. He was petrified.

Carrie shrugged, pulling out the guns that were plastered in blood. "It's when you get like a lazy susan or a bottle, something that can spin. You put all the canned goods out and then you spin. Whatever the hell you're having to eat you add whatever canned thing the bottle or susan gives you." She turned to the back of the vehicle and opened it. "Have your pick." There were a few cans, all with no labels, in different sizes.

Daryl turned to Merle and nudged him. "Hey, gotta tell ya, I'm goin' out huntin with some of them folks from Woodbury."

"And?" Merle shrugged, adjusting his shirt he went to take off the open button down.

"Ya gonna have to do watch with Carrie. Maggie...she went off with Glenn."  
The older Dixon cursed himself. The newlyweds were fucking like rabbits and he was paying the price.

"Yo Carrie!" Daryl yelled, Merle's face immediately dropping. She ran over and rested a hand on her hip. "Listen, know it ain't gon' be peaches and cream but ya gotta pull guard duty with Merle here tonight."

She quickly looked up to the two of them and back to Rick. "What the hell? Where's Maggie anyways?"

"Her and Glenn went out for their...own run."

"Jesus." Groans escaped her throat as she fixed her neck. "Alright. Don't gotta suit up tonight so won't be no trouble. Before or after dinner?"

"Before. Beth is gonna set something aside for both of y'all."

"Good." She turned on her heels and moved to grab her gun and went towards the guard tower. It wasn't good, it was hell. She'd rather be inside eating with Beth and Carl and having a repeat of the week before where they had been discussing school and math classes. That conversation had carried on for quite a few days at different times. On a recent run Carrie had gone on with Maggie and Daryl to a nursery she had found a backpack, probably of a teenager who had been volunteering there or a student teacher. In it was a trigonometry book and a smaller algebra book.  
Carl's face when she brought it back was perfect. She still cursed herself that she didn't have a Polaroid to save the memory.

* * *

A bit passed and the evening approached over the skyline. Sitting at the door that lead to the small deck of the tower she had kicked her feet up to the door frame. Hearing the door open behind her she glanced over as Merle walked in and dropped his gun across from hers and sat down on the floor.

Her attention returned to the walkers roaming the grass, almost like cows grazing the field. She had caught it a few times, it was rare, but it happened.

A walker would keel over, after all it's walking, it'd just go down. When that happened, a few would straggle over and move down to eat it. Now she had caught it again and this time she turned and crawled out to get a better look.

Merle's brow quirked as she crawled on her hands and knees to the bars that remained the fence of the platform. She had been watching something, and it slightly peaked his interest. That quickly dissolved as he leaned back and ignored her outburst of excitement.  
Merle Dixon didn't feel awkward about a lot of things. Only times he ever felt awkward was when he'd have to go to the clinic or face whores he had slept with that weren't any good at anything wanting another go. This, of all things, had left him on edge.  
He hadn't been alone with Carrie since she had walked out of his cell crying like a few rare times before that.

She had shut out the anger and pain she had felt and put her wall up, and now it was almost like he could feel the ice radiating off of her. Even Carl showed him more humanity than she did. To say the least, it pissed him off.

More time had passed and they were still silent until she moved back into the small room and grabbed her gun. Pulling it apart piece by piece she took the rag that she had tied to her belt loop and began to wipe it off. The blood on it had been pretty bad after their run, and even they were hit with the splatter of blood and matter. Merle's pants would have to be thrown away like her shorts and top. His wife beater had been stained so much they didn't know what was blood anymore and what was sweat and old remains.

Finally, the silence broke.  
"Smells awful." She whispered, peaking his attention.

"What the hell are ya talkin' bout?"

She shrugged. "Both of us, that run was some nasty shit."

Propped up against the wall Merle rested his arms on his knees, watching her carefully as the lights of the prison came on. Milton's work never failed, and he had gotten some power going with the prison lights now shining in the evening without issues like before. "Well ain't that sad girlie. Ya gotta clean up. Lil' girls always cry bout getting' messy."

She glanced up to see his posture and lips pursed. He was coping an attitude, so she'd cop one right back. "I try to be sanitary, I ain't no walkin' disease. You? I don't know. Daryl ain't found no brillo pads for you, has he?"

One thing she remembered about Merle, whenever he got excited, be it angry or in another sense, the veins in his neck popped out. When she saw that she couldn't help but give a small smirk. Carrie would boast about it to the high heavens if she could.

She could get under Merle Dixon's skin in a matter of seconds.

"Lil girl." He rasped. "You best watch your words with me."

Carrie's attitude had struck a nerve, and she was taking it as far as she could. "Words? I'm just stating facts Dixon."

"Don't you be getting' smart with me!" He hissed, eyes baring into her. Her attitude was just as hard as his glare, icy.

In those words she couldn't help but laugh. "You ain't my pa, don't tell me that I can't get what I am."

Nostrils flared he watched her stand up and move toward the door to the guardrail "I ain't ya pa, but ya sure as hell liked it when I let ya call me daddy, didn't ya?" Her eyes widened at his boast. "Ya liked it when I smacked that lil' ass to." His shoulders slumped, lips in a smooth, confident smile. "I got all the dirt on ya doll. Don't be messin' with me."

The annoyance on her face had become obvious when she picked her rag up. "Don't bother me Dixon, you ain't worth my time no more." Slamming the door she sat out on the rail and took in the cool breeze. She couldn't wait for fall to be on it's way, then the winter. "Maybe he'll get sick and keel over." She mumbled, wiping the chamber of her glock as she stopped herself.  
No, she couldn't say that about him. As much as she wanted to, she just couldn't bring herself to utter the words and mean them. "I didn't mean it." Her voice was even quieter. Wishing a man dead was useless anyways, it'd come eventually.

* * *

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Maggie and Glenn had come in for guard duty, apparently back from their 'run.' Maggie had told her they were looking for more stuff for the kids of the group and even some school supplies. Milton wanted to have a few people start teaching the children.

Carrie's interest was immediately perked and she had spoken to Maggie and Glenn about it for a few minutes before she left them to their watch.

"All they gonna do is bump some uglies, like they always do." Merle grumbled, yawning as he climbed down the steps ahead of her. "Bunch a useless kids."

"Shut up Dixon." He turned back, looking up as Carrie decended behind him, feet pounding against the hard metal. "Let em live a little. They get to be love birds." Her last sentence was grumbled, shoving past him as she reached the ground.

His jaw dropped slightly at her words before he tensed. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Carrie turned back and glanced him over. The veins in his neck were showing again. "Sounds exactly what you think it does." Licking her lips she gave a scoff and continued to walk.

Immediately he wanted to trip her down and start screaming at her. He didn't want to hurt her, he just wanted her to shut up. The glares, the harsh tone, the attitude, the attention to that pissy little geek, he wanted it to stop. If he could go back in time, he never would have given her the time of day if he knew she'd be this much hassle. He never would have slept with her, gotten to know her, saved her ass when she ran.  
He never would have even brought her back to Woodbury.

Before he could confront her, she was already inside. Hoisting his gun over his shoulder he walked in and found an empty space of the cell block with a plate on the table. The only cell that had any light was Carrie's with a dim lantern like she usually had.  
Sitting down he ate quickly and took a few minutes to calm himself. His anger was getting the best of him, and he could really use a break. He had gone through most of the block and areas they had cleared, and he had found nothing.

Merle sure as hell wasn't risking a run with any of the jackasses in the group or from Woodbury to find something. They'd rat him out in a heartbeat and knowing Officer Friendly he'd take it like he did the day he was chained to the roof.  
"Fuckin' pricks." He rasped.

Standing up he left the plate on the table and adjusted his pants before he moved to the stairs and caught a different sight. In the short time he had been eating he caught Carrie slipping back into her cell from the dark and shut her light off.

Walking down the row he stopped at her cell and leaned in, just for a second. She was trying to sleep, and she was trying her damn hardest. He could remember in the times he had stopped home that whenever his pa came back and wanted to get into it, Daryl would try so hard to look like he was sleeping. He'd pinch his eyes, pretend his arms and legs were out like was sleeping, and breathe just like he was out like a light. When their dad was drunk, he wouldn't notice and would just grumble and pass out, but when their dad was sober, he caught onto the shit.

"Ya trying to hard." He chuckled, "night sugar tits." When her shoulder twitched he smirked in satisfaction.

Pushing off from the wall he strolled down to his block, smug in his win for the night. Turning in he yanked his shirt off and slid out of his pants. Blood splattered and smelled like geek. Hopefully Carol could get that shit out. As he folded the clothes he dropped them next to his pile and moved to his bed, finding something that shocked him.

His black button down. He could remember that it was missing for a while and then it clicked.

Carrie had it all that time, and she had been sleeping in it. He could pick up that girl's scent anywhere. Just like Beth she had always wanted that scented soap and unlike Beth she went out to fight. Doing that with the scented shit was stupid as hell, but apparently she had a death wish.

His nose crinkled at the familiar scent now on his clothes and he tossed it into the pile. He could remember the smell on his chest with her hair splayed out over him. How she'd pass out sometimes after they'd be done and she'd have her body all contorted. It'd be an uncomfortable sleep, but the scent was still the same.

Falling asleep he rested on one thought that put his mind at ease.  
If she didn't want his ass, and that little nerd prick wanted her...

...he could sure as hell have her.

* * *

**A/N: **I think I MIGHT end Carrie and Merle with that. I'm not sure. I'm gonna be moving on with Milton started to get things handled and conducting more tests on walkers, and guess who gets to be his right hand...lady? You guessed it! I'll be writing some more Karen and throwing in Carl and Beth to! I love writing them!

I'm really not sure where I'm gonna go with Merle now. I could use some opinions that aren't JUST Carrie and Merle getting back together. If y'all could let me know some things that could be great. In the long run I am not sure if I want to continue this or just end it here. I feel like right here it closes a lot of cases and if I end it here I could leave Carrie's future up to y'all and maybe come back with a new thing at season four. But I have an idea and I'd like to get it down before AMC screws it up cause they messed up quite a few things -cough-prisonbattleandreamerlemiltonandabajilliono therthingsthisiswhyIkeeptothecomic-cough-  
So follow, favorite, and review, I live off of those xo  
Please be sure to follow, favorite, and review! I live off of those! xo


	4. Marching

**A.N.: **_Uhhh...hi.  
So, I was really bored and decided I wanted to take a turn with this story, especially after seeing the season 4 trailer. I thought about where I want to take it, and this takes place between seasons 3 and 4 anyways and Merle is still alive so it's about as A/U as you're gonna fucking get. I appreciate people liking that I'm steering away from romance, I want to put some fresh air out there with something that focuses more on Carrie's life and her place in the new civilization. I could use some ideas that DON'T involve her getting with Merle because I'm a tad sick of writing romance and smut at the moment. _

_Thanks x_

* * *

**4: Parade**

_Will you...defeat them?  
Your demons...and all the non-believers..._

_the plans that they have made._

_Because one day, I'll leave you..._

_a phantom..._

_to lead you in the summer..._

_to join the black parade!_

- My Chemical Romance

* * *

"So let me guess...this place is almost cleared out to?" Carrie groaned, her hands rubbing over her arms in a desperate attempt to keep warm in the surprisingly chilly morning. The previous days had been pretty warm and she was grateful that the tank tops and shorts had been worn out. How she had gotten by flesh eating monsters in those clothes before still had her questioning her luck, and her stupidity. In a pair of black jeans and a red shirt she had been trying to spot a jacket for a few runs but hadn't come across anything as of yet.

This had been another place they had swept through and found little to nothing. In Carrie's hand was a wooden bat that had seen it's better days. Her hand had wrapped sternly around it, colliding with with a shelf in the small convenience store to knock back a walker that she spotted between the shelves.

As she watched it squirm to try and move out of it's tight hold she turned on her heel and walked over to join the group she had gone on the run with. Daryl, Merle, and Tyreese.  
"Why isn't Michonne with us again?" Carrie mumbled, both of their lines of vision directed to Merle packing up the vehicle and Tyreese backing him up.

"Cause." Daryl muttered, a disappointed tone peaking over the otherwise dead silence. "'Parently Miss Badass got sick before any of us. Talk about bein' the big shit."

Carrie shrugged and glanced around for anything else that could be picked up. "We cleaned this place out. Where the hell do we go next?"  
Picking his teeth he growled when Carrie swatted his hand. "That is a disgusting habit. I'm surprised Carol hasn't found a damn water squirter and soaked your ass."

"You sayin' I'm a dog?" She shrugged, giving him a small smirk in response. "Sunshine, ya best watch your mouth." He replied smugly. "I may be a dog, but I got a bigger one I can sick on ya." A twisted grimace would tort her lips at the mention of Merle. Daryl gave a short laugh before adjusting his crossbow.

Lips pursed she shrugged and spotted a walker moving around in the shadow, but something about it had caught her eye. It was a man, a younger one at that, with a decent build, but the contour of it's top half had her attention. Moving over she snuck up behind it and as Daryl whistled it over she brought her bat up. With a strong swing she sent it's head into the wall. A small splatter of blood and flesh hit the cement as it staggered before she swung again. An indent had formed in it's head after the third swing as she smashed it to the wall and jutted her hip against it. Luckily it hadn't been one with much muscle on it and it seemed to have been walking for a while.

After a sixth hit she watched it collapse and sent her bat against his face, letting the splatter hit the wall once again. "Finally." She muttered. With a deep breath she pulled her shirt up to wipe any splattered blood off, happy that she had only gotten a bit on her cheeks and brow. "Bout damn time I find one." Kicking it forward she grabbed it by the collar and slid it down and off it's arms. Struggling she yanked it off, forcing the man's shoulder out of it's corroded socket. "Damn pain in my ass."

Standing up straight again she had scene the men staring at her, somewhat disturbed at her attack on the man. "What? Y'all got jackets..." She whispered. "I'll clean it up when we get back." The leather jacket was old school with a bomber styling and lined on the inside. "It's stinks like god knows what but I think Carol can help me with it, if she ain't busy teachin' the kids."

Climbing in the back door of the jeep she fell in next to Tyreese as Daryl and Merle climbed into the front spots. Something Carrie had noticed was that Daryl, the 'good brother' as many of the group liked to call him, was one pissy backseat driver. Before they had joined up with the Atlanta group, Daryl had driven everywhere. But that was because Merle had been coming down off a heat induced fever and was sick as a dog, and probably higher than a kite from the stories she heard. Now that Merle was...as close as normal that he was going to get, he drove. He drove with one hand. Worst of all, they let him be the one to drive. He knew how to get out of a tight situation in a matter of seconds, even when they didn't have that time to think.

"Hey I was wondering..." Tyreese asked, nudging Carrie's shoulder as he fixed his cap. "Why didn't you take Milton up on his offer? To teach the kids?"

Carrie's brow rose, shocked that he would even ask. "I took Milton up on his offer to help him out. I go out and do research and report back to him. I didn't want to teach the kids and start that up because I just don't like kids." Turning to face him she rested her arm on the side of the door. Deep down she knew that Carol was the better one with children, and she needed to interact with kids again. Carol exuded the motherly instinct that had been contained since Sophia and helping to teach and get the kids to understand their new world was the best possible option.

"Can ya slow the hell down man? Bat outta hell." Daryl's voice bowed with a large growl when he thumped Merle in the arm.

Merle's icy glance cut to him as he hit the break and motioned with his hand over the wheel to put the vehicle in park. "Ya wanna keep barkin' at me lil brotha? That's all ya been doin' lately! Flappin ya god damn gums like you're Rick! Obviously ya aint!"

Carrie sat frozen at the one thing no one else picked up on. He...he called him Rick. Every other time it's been officer friendly.

_What the hell is going on?  
_

"I don't wanna do shit Merle. Ya just driving like a damn maniac and the shit gets old man, don't be startin' nothing."

Merle slammed his forearm on the steering wheel, just missing the horn by the grace of god. "Derle I know and they know ya been kissin ass since ya got to the prison and they wasn't even there for it! Ya want me to whoop ya ass or do ya wanna shut the hell up?"

"You shut the hell up!"

Pushing off his seat Tyreese moved to intercept their argument. "Come on you guys, there's no need for this."

The older Dixon turned slowly to face him, a dark scowl written across his face as he scanned Tyreese and Carrie sitting behind their fuming discussion. "If ya know what's best for ya spear boy, ya'd shut your ass up." In his short exchange he saw Carrie's brown eyes tilt up and her head fall back. "What's a matter lil girl? Too much man in here for ya to take?"

Frustrated with their hold of tension Carrie leaned forward like Tyreese, hands folded together between her knees they noticed her leg begin to twitch. "If y'all are gonna act like bitches, take it outside the damn car.." She growled, her voice growing louder. "Or you wait till we get back to the fucking prison so until then both of ya just shut the fuck up and drive!" Kicking Merle's seat she threw open the door, grabbed her bag, and threw the door shut behind her. One thing Sasha had taught her was that Tyreese didn't like when the ladies were upset because of the guys. He really was a gentleman caught in a group of fuck ups and Carrie felt awful.  
If it was different world, a different time, she would have swooned head over heels for the former football star.

Bat in hand she shrugged her bag on her other arm and gripped her bat as she walked past the vehicle to catch a glimpse of the guys watching her and forged down the empty road.

* * *

Apparently it had been quite some time because the light had moved a bit across the sky and when high beams came up behind her she was ready to fight, only to find Merle rolling down the window with a busted lip and black eye forming. "Get in the car."

"No, fuck y'all. Did ya boot Tyreese while your racist asses were at it?"

Daryl leaned over, head tilting to the back, his face was just as fucked up. He had a huge bruise on his cheek and swelling on his nose. "He's still in the back."

"Sadly." Tyreese grumbled. She couldn't make him out but he sounded just as annoyed as she and Daryl were.

Merle immediately brought his hand up over his face and threw the door open. "Ya gonna keep throwin a temper tantrum or are ya gonna get in the damn car? We don't got all damn day! You throwin a piss fit is just takin up our time!"

Carrie turned to face him, throwing the back rear door open. "We woulda been back already if you two annoying bitches woulda just held your damn panties and did this shit in the prison!" Jumping up into the seat she nudged Tyreese to move over and slammed the door shut behind her. "Let's go. They're probably worrying sick and you two acting like bitches only slows us down."

"Watch ya mou-"

"Daryl, just drive man." Tyreese groaned, draping his arms over the back seats as he turned his gaze over to Carrie's cold position.

The drive was quiet until they got back to the prison and after Rick and Carl came out with Milton to survey their haul.

When the brothers emerged out of the vehicle Rick's hand immediately pushed up to his temples. Those two had to have caused some indents to have formed from the headaches they had caused for him. Sasha joined the small group standing together, immediately latching on to Tyreese with a strong hug.

She turned to see Carrie emerge out of the other side and pat Tyreese on the shoulder before throwing open the back.  
"Your brother..." Carrie groaned, "is a saint. Never take that for granted." Carrie pulled out a box and handed it to Tyreese and a few bags to Sasha. "You're awesome man."

Tyreese gave her a smile and glanced down to see Sasha giving him a questioning look as a smirk cocked on her lips following between her older brother and the woman walking away. "It ain't like that..." He sighed. "The Dixons were pulling shit again toda-"

"You two got in a fight? On the damn ROAD? What the hell is wrong with you two! You coulda gotten killed! CAROL!" Almost on instinct Carol had already emerged out, hands covering her face and she moved to stand in front of Daryl. "Take care of them. Carl, Sasha, Tyreese, help us unload."

Carol escorted the brothers inside while the others moved to get the rest out of the vehicle, it wasn't as much as Rick had hoped. "Are stocks running low there?"

"Stuff's draining Rick, we can't use that place up much more." Tyreese threw the box over his shoulder and glanced down at the man. "We gotta find a new place and soon to get stuff or we're gonna be out in the dust."

"I know man." Rick lead them inside with Carl following.

Carl adjusted his hat and dropped the bags next to where Carrie was standing with Karen. "Dad, the canned food is gonna be gone sooner or later. We don't have factories anymore. They're right. We need to find a new spot and send a group in to clear the area out. Send a bunch of people from Woodbury-"

Rick turned in shock at his son's statement. "No Carl, we're not gonna do that-"

"Well we can't send Daryl, Michonne, Carrie and Merle in! Or you and Tyreese! Keep OUR group safe above them!" Karen turned to Carrie with a shocked expression and the two ladies in turn turned to Rick.

"Carl..." Rick tried to think of something to say but Michonne had made her way over and nudged Carl.

Her stoic presence had cooled the situation and she pointed toward the doorway with her elbow. "Let's hit the fences, they gotta be cleared a little bit, okay?"

Carl shot a quick glare at his father and moved past the group and with Michonne out the door. Rick rested his hands on his hips and sat down at the table the two ladies were standing next to. The pressure on the outside didn't seem as bad as it had been months before, but they could all tell it was getting worse and worse mentally.

In some sick twisted way, Carrie understood what Milton had said about the governor. He lost Penny, and with the weight of Woodbury and finding out that people were so close in the red zone and intruding on him, he snapped. Of course the man was cruel and sick, but wasn't everyone now? No...they weren't like him. Someone, even with all the people they had all lost, they weren't anywhere near as bad as him. Yet.

"There's a place, that the governor had been looking at." Karen spoke up, hands folded tightly as she glanced over to Carrie who nodded. "I don't know if he's there, that'd be a concern, but regardless, it'd be a great spot to pick up stuff. Walkers are still in there because it used to be a military supply hold location..." She sat down and pushed her attention and courage back up to the tired man. "We'd have to clear it. But if we went in ready for him and walkers with our...best dressed in riot gear and ready to go, we'd have little issue."

Rick's glance had softened to a look of concern and thought followed by a strange understanding. "I'll talk to Glenn and Maggie, see what Hershel says about this to."

The group dispersed to sort out for the evening. Carrie had made her way to help Carol and Beth sort dinner out and help the Woodbury block get ready for their meal. When she returned to D-block she had noticed Daryl sitting and cleaning his bow, stealing a few glances up at the ladies from a distance.  
"So..." Carol whispered, watching with a concerned expression as she nudged Carrie. "How'd you get the jacket? What went down today?"

"Oh right, I need to ask you to help me clean that thing, a walker came up and I got rid of it and I liked it's jacket sooo..."

"You took it off the corpse? Carrie..."

Carrie sighed, pushing a hand back through her hair. "Carol, please, don't judge me for this. We all need clothes. I know taking them off a body is wrong, it's pretty bad, but it's not like they need to keep warm. They didn't have a burial. They're just a number anymore with clothes that we need."

Silence washed over them for a few minutes before she continued. "Merle drove like a bat out of hell, Daryl decided to speak up...the two got pissy like usual, and started fighting after I had already been walking down the road."

"That's the Dixons for ya. What can ya do?"

Carrie shot a side glance at Daryl and turned to face Carol. "Ignore them. It's nice not having to deal with them all day except for runs. Hopefully I can switch soon with someone from Woodbury or whoever would take my spot."

As her eyes widened Carol stirred the pot of pasta. "You don't want to go on runs anymore?"

Like an insult, Carrie's jaw dropped at the idea. "Hell no! I just don't want to go on runs with them. Merle acts like an asshat, Daryl gets pissy...no offense." Carrie winked at Carol before she stole a noodle from the laydel. "I want to go with...Tyreese...Michonne...and Sasha! I'll bring it up with Rick!"

"Then who would go with Daryl and Merle?"

"What am I? A saint?"

"Sort of...you're the only person besides Daryl and Milton who knows Merle..."

Their conversation was cut short as Merle moved down the steps and sat opposite of Daryl at the table, shooting glares to Tyreese across the room before he turned to face Carrie. "Asshole don't scare me." Carol frowned at the strong yet silent interaction that was brimming the room with tension. She still couldn't understand what happened with Carrie and Merle. Before they had come in pretty close, she knew they didn't fully trust each other, but it was some strange understanding. Then she saw them exchange a quick kiss and was confused even more. When Carrie went after him with Daryl she had come back knocked out and bleeding and Merle had been ranting and the next day...it was all gone.

It had been after being around Beth and Jimmy back on the farm, Maggie and Glenn and Rick and Lori, that cold reality that while some relationships just worked and others worked their issues out, some just couldn't make it. That cold reminder shook her to her core, even scaring her that even if some things tried to work, not everything would succeed.

The group had come in for dinner and of course it was time for Carrie to go out for watch with Maggie, but she had gone for another run but this time with Glenn.  
"I'll take Carl with me for watch...if that's okay?" Rick's head shot up, as did Carl's from the table with Beth.

"Um...Carrie I don't know if that's a good idea."

Carrie shrugged, glancing back at Carl. "You wanna be in on my good idea?" He gave a quick nod and got up to jog over. "It won't be any trouble. He's got one hell of an aim and we can hit the fence up. Besides ain't like we got night watch, just evening watch."

"I'll be fine dad." Carl insisted. "I got my gun and we're only a few steps away."

Rick looked around and pointed to the riot gear hanging on the wall. "Put on a vest at least, okay?"

Carrie patted his shoulder and turned him to walk toward the gear. "Let's get you suited up."

"I'm so sick of him talking to me like I'm a child." He sighed. "I don't need to be treated like one. I can go on runs, kill walkers, I can do what's necessary. You're not much older than me!"

Carrie's brow quirked at his sudden outburst. "Dude, Beth is closer in age to you."

"You're only a couple years older than her! You get to go out on runs, Beth is learning to fight...I want to do the same!"

The two stared at each other as she finished tightening his vest. When they went out for the watch it was fairly quiet. But Carrie noticed something. That fire Carl had burning, it was beginning to grow bigger and bigger...and she didn't know how much longer it would be until it fanned into an inferno.

* * *

**A.N: **I want to dive into Carrie's story more than just focusing on romance and I just want to make it more universal. Hope you enjoy. Fav, follow and review x


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